And now what you’ve all been waiting for: the Top Five Greatest Athletes of All Time (who not only wore short shorts, but DOMINATED LIFE in short shorts)…
5) Muhammad Ali
“Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee.” Muhammad Ali, aka “The Greatest,” was a powerhouse both inside of the ring and out. Inside the ring, Ali danced around, taunted, then pummeled just about every opponent he faced. And outside the ring, Ali dazzled with a magnetic personality and youthful charm that made guys want to be him and girls want to be with him. “Right on…but why is he on this list,” you ask? Check out these white short shorts and all that fancy footwork…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8qC1nmVjtpo
4) Michael Jordan
Widely regarded as the best basketball player to play the game, “His Airness” dominated the basketball courts for for over two decades from the mid-80s through the early 00’s. In his prime, the only thing that could stop him was a ridiculous decision to try out the whole baseball thing (suspended for gambling… meh). More important than the 6 NBA titles, were the back-to-back NBA Dunk Contest Championships he won while flying through the air in his knee-knocking short shorts… “I believe I can fly.” Could he have done it as effortlessly in a pair of baggy cargo shorts? Maybe, but that would’ve looked way less awesome.
3) Bruce Jenner
Long before the countless plastic surgeries and horrible TV “career,” Bruce Jenner was an Olympic Decathlete Gold Medalist. Yes, that’s right… Bruce Jenner won a GOLD freaking Medal in the 1976 Summer Olympics, setting a world record in the process. And even more importantly, before meeting the “love of his life” and being dressed by The Corporation known as Kris Jenner, Bruce crushed the Summer Games in the most badass short shorts ever worn in public. No other athlete has since looked sweeter than Mr. Kardashian in his short shorts that year…
2) Andre Agassi
Long hair. Short hair. No hair. We don’t care. With 8 Grand Slams, One Olympic Gold Medal, and 249 killer Nike commercials, Andre Agassi dominated the tennis courts around the world and made millions of kids growing up in the 90s think for a second that tennis might be kind of a badass sport. But you want to know what he REALLY dominated? Short Shorts. Drink up this neon goodness…
1) John Stockton
Sure, he may not be the most athletic player of all time. Heck, he may not even have touched the rim in any game during his illustrious 19 seasons. And yah, he surely didn’t win a NBA Championship (thanks in great part to His Airness who we profiled above). But you know what John Stockton did win? The Best Short Short Athlete of All Time award. Becoming the NBA’s all time leader in assists and steals isn’t easy. And he surely wouldn’t have done in in those baggy shorts worn today, which would’ve led to too many through the legs bloopers and steals by his opponents. But donning the most magnificent short shorts in all of sports history, John Stockton jumped to the top of this list and into our hearts. Check out this vid to see some of his thigh high magic…
‘Let your thighs high five!’
Forever Funboys,
The Cabana Bros